Monday, November 1, 2010

Crossing My Fingers

I'd decided I wasn't going to post about this, because it just sounds awful. But I am anyway, being my blog and all.

I had my son at 17, and his dad took off 2 weeks after we found out. There was no communication until he and his step-mother showed up at our door when Chris was only 5-days-old. There aren't enough drugs for that kind of surprise. I was young, and angry, and emotional. He (the dad) was also young, and had absolutely no decent example of what a parent is supposed to be. He's had to overcome so much completely on his own, and I wasn't old/mature enough to truly understand just how different our families were. I've never questioned whether my family loved me, whereas he's been abandoned by just about everyone aside from his sister. Needless to say, things didn't go well and we barely saw him the first several years. When Chris was 4, he started coming around occasionally but would go months with no communication. By 6, he was finally paying child support and seeing him on a regular basis, but still wasn't really doing much to establish a relationship with Chris.

He's been consistent for over a year now, and has really started getting his life on track. A few weeks ago, he showed up with a girl I'd never met before and said they were engaged. We spent a lot of time together this weekend between Zoo Boo, our combo birthday (the dad and I are less than 2 weeks apart), and trick-or-treating, and I just flat-out adore this girl. Since he's been with her, he's suddenly spending more time with Chris, which Chris is thrilled about. They've had 2 sleepovers in 2 weeks (this was a first so I was a wreck!) and seem to finally maybe be bonding.

Here's my concern.. the fiance is a mother, her daughter is about 15-months-old (and precious!). Since dad has taken on a radically different role since introducing her to me, I can't help but wonder how much of this is genuine and how much is her urging him to be a better dad? He seems truly happy to be bonding with Chris, and God knows I want this to be real, but we've been through this before. Chris is old enough now that it's going to hurt him deeply if it doesn't stick this time.

I guess time will tell..

5 comments:

  1. It's a very difficult situation, hopefully it was just the push he needed.

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  2. For the sake of Chris, I hope he is genuine in his actions. Maybe the ex just needed a little push to get closer to his son? Maybe the fiance is showing him how to be a parent since he didn't have a good role model? I'm sure he was scared of creating the cycle of what he went through. Even if the fiance is pushing him in this direction, it is a good thing. Who knows it might stick!

    It's so hard to trust other people (even if they had a part in creating that life you so cherish). Think positive!

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  3. By the way, I left a little game for you on my blog. Be afraid....be very afraid. :)

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  4. I really hope so, I don't know if Chris could handle the disappearing act again. I wish germs were really the worst thing we had to protect our babies from.

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  5. For Chris' sake, I hope his actions are honest. Hopefully this new woman is the push he needed to get his life in order. *Hugs*

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