1. If you had to, what relative would you lock up in the shed and why?
Just one?! Definitely my dad's brother. That man has not worked since I was in elementary school, and has been living off my grandparents my entire life, and attempting to bully everyone around him. The man is a coward once you call his bluff and has avoided me since I went off on him at 13-years-old. Crazy, mouthy women are everywhere on my mother's side of the family. ;)
2. If you were a stripper, what would your stripper name be?
Slutty Charms ;)
3. If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do?
My husband and I have talked about super powers before. I kinda want to be Orgasmo.. No explanation needed I hope. It would be better than world peace, just sayin'.
4. What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
Hmm.. So much to choose from! I'm a klutz, I speak without thinking first, you name it. One of my mother's favorite moments took place while I was in labor. Right after they gave me the good stuff, my eyes crossed and I started giggling so much I couldn't breathe. Didn't have a catheter yet, so picture a very pregnant woman laughing like a hyena while her mother, also laughing, struggles to get a bed pan underneath her wiggling ass. Yes, I peed all over my mother.
Now, to the Fat Mom's questions:
1. If you had a penis for one day, what would you do?
I'm not gonna lie, I'd pee all over everything!! No more squatting for this chick!!
2. What would your pornstar/stripper name be and why?
Still Slutty Charms, because let's face it, I'm magically delicious.
3. If you would never get caught, what illegal activity would you participate in?
I work with some older women that are convinced we're all actually soap opera characters. If I could just borrow a few shock collars, just for a day.. I'd be such a happy girl.
4. If you could change a part of your past, what would it be?
I would have skipped that third drink. You didn't ask why, so technically I don't have to divulge that part ;)
Now for my 4 folks:
1. Do you have any weird nicknames, and how did you get them?
2. What is the most retarded nightmare you remember having? (Mine- hunger games meets biggest loser. Psycho..)
3. What is one NSV (now that I know what this means, heh) that you're most proud of?
4. What is one NSV (can't help it, I'm on a roll) that you're most looking forward to?