Let's get this part over with.. I sent my weigh-in to Allan this morning, and it was a gain. I was 0.2 lbs up to 207. The numbers are rounded for SSDDDC, so it really won't show a difference there. Either way, I'm frustrated. It's the first time I haven't seen a loss since I joined Phase 2 in early November. I went over my calories one day- by 90- and I more than made up for that with the deficits I had the rest of the week. I exceeded my max water levels everyday other than Saturday, and I was still over the minimum. The only contributing factors I'm aware of are my TOM, the lack of exercise, maybe sleeping issues? Oh well. I'm doing my best to just let it go, and do my best with the time I have left of December.
I don't expect to have much time for blogging this week, it's going to be a busy one, which I'm sure is true for a lot of people. My aunt (the one with the lap band) and cousin will be here Tuesday. Chris will be spending the night with his dad and step-mom Wednesday, Thursday we are having a small thing with Steph involving Christmas movies and cookie-baking (none for me), Friday is the Christmas Eve Pajama Party at my parent's house, and Saturday is Christmas.
Christmas Eve in PJ's started Christmas 2008 because Mammaw's COPD was getting so bad she couldn't even get dressed without a huge struggle. Mammaw was one of those women that got dressed every single day, before 9am, before she got sick. I know, she was weird. So not being able to get all dressed up for Christmas Eve was a huge deal to her, and she had decided she'd just stay in her room the whole night. My family is nothing if not annoyingly persistent, so we all decided we would wear our pajama's for the annual Christmas Eve party so she wouldn't feel out of place. All our family and friends showed up in Christmas pj's, and we all had a blast. Mammaw was taken to the hospital Christmas day, but she and Pappaw enjoyed the last one thoroughly. Pappaw passed away in April, right after being admitted for physical therapy 2 days prior with the full approval of his PCP and all his specialists (we didn't sue, but God we should have..). We had 5 family members pass within 10 months that year, 3 of which were my grandparents. It's pretty bad when the funeral home recognizes you.
Mammaw in her PJ's Christmas Eve 2008
Chris and my dad rocking out.
Christmas Eve 2009 kept the pajama theme but little else. It was significantly smaller (family only this year) and we didn't decorate a bit- mom didn't even put up a tree. Everyone was struggling through the first Christmas without Mammaw and Pappaw, and we all had a hard time getting in the spirit. Mom almost cancelled the whole thing, but decided against it last minute because my Mammaw would have been pissed :)
My cousin AJ, Chris, Mom, and nephew Nick Christmas Eve 2009
Making Rangoons with the family.
This year has been a lot easier so far, though I still miss them like crazy. I think I got most of it out of my system today. Mom called to let me know what she needed me to bring Christmas Eve (some of which I'm going to "forget" being that it's loaded with fat and calories), and I just lost it. One of the things she mentioned was the strawberry bread, and she added her usual "and don't make it healthy crap," comment. I cried until I started hiccuping, because I'd just told myself I wouldn't change her recipe yesterday. I felt guilty for even considering changing a recipe that had taken Mammaw so much effort (breathing wise) to teach me. No one else in my family knows how to make it, let alone has been taught by her specifically. Obviously I'd give them the recipe if they ever asked, and it's written down in our family recipe book so it can be easily passed along should anything happen to me before I'm able to teach someone.
I'm sorry I've been such a downer lately.. I swear I thought I was past this. Does that happen to anyone else? You think you're used to someone being gone, still miss them, but can remember them without getting all snot-faced.. and then wham- it hits you out of the blue? It still happens when I think about the circumstances around Pappaw's death, but I thought I was okay with Mammaw so this has really caught me off guard. I'm telling myself this is the last time I get all snot-faced about it this week.. I want to spend Christmas remembering her, not mourning her.
Strawberry bread batches start tomorrow, and I promise no more snot-faced posts this week. :)