Monday, December 13, 2010

A Weekend in Pictures? Sorta.

Where to begin..

Friday night was date night and Christmas shopping with husband. Dinner was at Genghis Grill, and my bowl (tons of veggies and chicken) was about 400 calories. I tried to get a picture of them setting the grill on fire.. but I suck, so no flames for you.
We were out shopping until after 1am, and still didn't finish! Walmart was our last stop since it's 24 hours, and as we're walking out, Mr. D notices that the McDonald's is still open. We're both starving since dinner was 7 hours ago and there's been tons of walking all over malls and stores the last several hours, so he stops in. I have a bottle of water, he gets the quarter pounder with fries (what used to be MY favorite) instead of his usual. We get home, and I grab a 100 calorie pack while the guy makes love to this burger.. or at least that's how it sounds. I really wanted to stab him in the eye right about then. No nookie that night.

Saturday started bright and early with Chris' dad's wedding to the girl we just met in October. Yes, really. He stopped by Thursday to drop off child support and to tell me they were 6-8 weeks pregnant, but it had nothing to do with them marrying so quickly. Katrina didn't want anyone knowing until after the wedding, so I appreciate him giving me, the other baby mamma, a heads up. They were married in this woman's living room, and only 6 of us were there- her mother, sister, and niece along with his sister, Chris, and me. And I'm the only one who thought to bring a camera. I came prepared, since you only get one chance at these pictures. Except they're having a bigger ceremony thing on June 11 next year. When she'll be very pregnant. After I played photographer and took every picture combo I could imagine, I was dragged to lunch with everyone where I realized she and her entire family (those that were there anyway) seemed to have been told a different version of Chris' early years.
We clean up nice, eh?

Just to recap: Found out I was pregnant day after my 17th birthday, he took off 2 weeks later. Showed up at my front door when Chris was 5 days old, took off again before he was 5 months old. After not seeing him for about 2 years, he started popping up once a year for a few weeks, and would then take off again. He's been around consistently for a year and a half now, and has been paying child support during that time (for the first time since Chris was born).

So saying he wasn't around for the first 6 years of his son's life is pretty fair and accurate. They don't seem to know about those absences though. I can't begin to tell you how difficult it was to keep my mouth shut when certain comments were made about his parenting skills, or how his new step-daughter's father was a deadbeat. Maybe I'm growing up a little, but I'm trying to let it go and move on. He's doing the best he can now, and I adore his new wife and her family. Bringing up the past is only going to reopen old wounds for both of us, and put Chris in the middle. It accomplishes nothing other than spreading around a lot of bad feelings.

Chris and I spent the little we had left of our Saturday along with most of Sunday just hanging out. We don't get a lot of time by ourselves to do just whatever because we're so busy running errands, cleaning, homework, etc. He declared Sunday "pajama day" so I wasn't allowed to get dressed, and we watched Polar Express 3 times while sipping hot chocolate and snuggling on the couch with Butch, the stuffed dog he totes everywhere.

And he wanted to take a picture of his tree, he decorated it himself :)
Despite all the talking, there was no sex all weekend long. It was mentioned after shopping- but he was too tired. No mention of it at all Saturday. He brought it up Sunday night, but that's as far as it went. I didn't get all excited like I would normally, because at this point, his word means jack to me in that department. Maybe it's having gone round and round on this issue for the last 6 months at least, or PMS, or the lack of sleep, or all of the above.. but it feels like a switch flipped this weekend. I don't care if we do anymore. I have an appointment January 3 to see how I'm doing with my medicine.. you know, the one I quit taking? The way my mood has steadily worsened the last few days, I'm willing to admit that I may need it. May.

So like I said in my quickie update earlier, the best part of my weekend was time with my baby boy and losing 2 lbs (I'm at 206.8!) this week. There's been NO gym time since last week, and I'm having trouble just making myself go. I'm exhausted, cranky, and can't seem to find my give-a-damn. I've stuck to my calories regardless, and I'm going to force myself to do something, even if it's just a DVD at home. Worse case scenario, I've got pills and refills left to get me through the next few weeks. December is still going to be a success for me, one way or another!


  1. You're so close to the hundreds!!! GO YOU!!! And, your new outfit looked great!

  2. Kudos to you for letting it go, for the sake of your son. I'm sure it was hard, but it is definitely going to better for him, in the long run. :)

    Mood medicine is a good thing, but it only works if you take it regularly... And I speak from experience. ;)

    How exciting tht the 100s are in sight! I'm looking forward to that point as well, although it will be a while for me.

  3. Sometimes we just have to bite out tongues. I know how hard it can be...but sometimes it is just better for all of us.

    Don't let this get in your way. You are doing amazing!

    Is hubby maybe a little jealous? Trying to sabotage you a bit?

  4. Thanks guys! I'm trying not to get TOO excited about getting in the 100s before 2011 just so I don't get equally disappointed if it doesn't happen.

    It is hard not saying anything sometimes, but given his parental role models (or lack of to be more accurate) I'm more than impressed with how he's done the last year. There's still a LOT of room for improvement, but what parent doesn't have that? I respect him for at least trying- facing me after 6 years couldn't have been easy..

    IDK if hubby is or not honestly. He's mentioned signing up at my gym, but whenever I ask if he's ready, he passes. He eats the healthy stuff I cook, but also adds fast food when I'm not around (or right in front of me occasionally). I wish I knew what his deal was..