Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The day I was right and didn't rub it in.

Huh. Apparently my last post was numero 100. At least I've done something consistently, right?

So.. this is the second week in a row Zumba has been cancelled due to snow. This is Memphis, people, we don't do snow! And we certainly don't do it two Tuesdays in a row! Not only did Zumba fall through, Mr. D (who thinks he knows best about all things snow-related being a Yankee and all) wouldn't let me go to the gym because the roads would be icy by the time I was leaving. I take back every single wish I ever made for a snow day as a kid. Stupid stuff, really.

Okay, serious face now. I spoke to my mom last night, and it was weird. I've blogged before about how she's been about my "healthy crap" from time to time, and that she did lose a lot of weight a few years ago but then gained most of it back. And we all know the apple didn't fall far from her tree of craziness. Growing up (and up until the day I moved out), she was tough on me. My in-laws have always thought she was too tough, and there's definitely an argument for that, but I've never doubted (well, maybe a few times) that she did what she thought was in my best interest. I have always had much more expected of me than my two brothers (grades, chores, you name it). As a teen, I definitely resented it. Now? I'm actually grateful for it. Yes, she may have made my life a nightmare at some points, but her end goal was to make me a self-efficient, independent person.

Last night, we were discussing the issues with my younger brother because she's struggling between what she knows is the best thing for him in the long run and that maternal instinct to nurture and protect her kids (and my brother is 22, btw). After talking in circles for a while, I pointed out to her that she was hard on me, sometimes to the extreme, and I'm the only one of her three children not living with her or off of her right now. It may have been overkill, but it worked.

She called me earlier today to tell me I was right. Apparently, what I said brought on a "Dr. Phil 'aha!'' moment, and she was up all hours of the night discussing it with my dad. She agreed she was harder on me, and thinks it's because she knew what I'd be up against once I became a teen mom, and wanted to make sure I was able to stand on my own. She feels more confident that they're doing the right thing with my brother, and just sounded more optimistic in general. And she reminded me that we don't ever stop learning- even at her age :) Then she said she was proud of me. Dude, that's a big deal coming from my mom. She doesn't hug, kiss, say "I love you," nada. If you're over 10- she's not very affectionate physically or verbally.

And the weird part? She's looking into getting a membership to my gym so we can start working out together, and then grabbing a healthy dinner after and having a healthier girl's night out. My mom does not leave the house, ever. It started because my brother essentially took over her car, and then got worse as she gained weight back because she's so unhappy with herself. Either way, her leaving the house for something unnecessary is a big deal and only surpassed by the fact that she wants to hang with me when she does. Shocked.. that's me. And apparently, seeing me struggle and stick with this is helping motivate her. I was going to insert a joke here about sweating with the oldies, but I'm too happy right now!

Mr. D doesn't think the girl's night out will actually ever happen, but I told him not to jinx it. We've known for a while that my mom's gotten herself into a hole, but there was nothing anyone could do until she made the first move. I really hope she's finally going to make herself, her health, a priority again- it's something I had to learn on my own. It's weird when we end up teaching our parents, huh?

13 comments:

  1. I honestly hope your mom does join your gym. She's going through a rough spot right now and needs a rational ear around. You always know the right thing for me to do and value your opinion and advice. I'll loan you to her...

    And if you don't log some real gym hours, we may start kick boxing each other in the cbo..... Ho! Hahahahahahahaha

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  2. Hi. I've been following your blog for a while and thought I'd finally comment! :)

    I hope your mom follows through with joining the gym. It would be such a good opportunity for you both. My mom keeps saying she wants to join my gym, but I don't think she's committed enough to do it yet. In time, she'll be ready, and so will your mom!

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  3. I'm so glad your Mom realized you grew up in to a great person, and actually TOLD you she's proud of you!

    I hope she does join your gym as well, and does start working out with you. It sounds like she's moving towards making her health a priority, like you said, and I hope she truely does!

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  4. I could have written this post about my mom. Omg she was so" mean" to me. "Harder" on me than my 2 brothers. Doesn't hug n kiss etc. But im so glad you guys had a good talk. I really hope you guys have your gym and girls healthy dinner. Maybe bring her to your gym on a free pass to get her to check it out.

    Ps being in ca I too dream of a snow day lol

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  5. I think everyone wants their parents to be proud of them. For your mom to actually say the words is amazing. Sometimes we don't understand when we are younger that our parents did things because they love us.

    So happy for you. I hope the gym and healthier girls night out works out!!!

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  6. My Mom and I started out wieght loss journey together, it's nice to have a partner who is also so concerned for your welfare.

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  7. I also hope your healthy night out and your exercise plans work out. I guess you are leading by example and that's about the only thing that gets through to people. Do as I do, not as I say. Good for you, Mrs. D. Wishing your snow away.

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  8. That is great to hear! I am so happy that your mom is coming along!

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  9. That is SO great, D! I totally understand Mother issues, because I've basically been the adult instead of my own Mother since I was very young. I hope mine has one of those 'A-HA' moments soon like yours did. :)

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  10. Sounds like mom needs a change in her life and you could be the one to help her. So often we just think of them as "mom" and "old" but she is a real person with real issues and feelings just like us. Good for her, coax her along on the girls night out, if she said she wants to do it, she probably means it even though it could be hard for her to follow through. I'll bet she'd appreciate a little coaxing from you! Let us know how it works out!

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  11. That's great news! Enjoy working out with your Mom and girls night out. I hope everything works out well! :)

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  12. Wow. How wonderful. I often heard my mom talk about being proud of us--and of me--and it always felt great. So I know how wonderful it feels. To be right. To be a source of momma pride.

    Hope you do hhave many girls' nights out and gym days in. :D Be healthy together and bond even more!!!

    I miss my Mami soooooooooooo much...and reading this reminds me why.....

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  13. Wow, how great that you told your mom the truth and she took it on board and made some changes in he relationship with your brother. wow. Changing a dynamic inside a family can be really tough and I admire her for taking the risk.

    And I do so hope that something comes of her desire to better herself, for your sake and for hers.

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