Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Checking in!

Thank you, Princess, for the reminder! I lost track of time!

My in-laws were here for a week, they flew in from Boston, MA. It's really the first opportunity I had to truly get to know them. And the verdict? I won the in-laws lottery, fo' sho. I talked them out of the hotel so they could have more time with us, and I'm so glad I did. It was interesting to see where some of Mr. D's little quirks come from, and watch his parents bicker just like we do. We're pretty lucky to both come from homes where our parents are still married. We both grew up watching our parents work it out, and right now, that's very reassuring.

I don't know if every marriage goes through this or not, but we're in a little bit of a rut right now. For the last month or so, Mr. D feels more like my really-awesome-roommate than my husband. I've talked to him about it, and he doesn't feel that way and seems totally unconcerned. At risk of sounding too much like a girl, that newlywed passion seems to have worn off. We've been through "droughts" before, but this is the first time it hasn't bothered me- but the fact that it does NOT bother me, bothers me. If that's not weird enough on it's own, I think I've finally caught the baby bug. I can't do anything about it right now, bad timing and all, but it's there. You guys are the only ones I've told, btw, so shhhh. My boss would have hysterics (the good kind) and pull out the fertility dolls.. I doubt even Mr. D has picked up on it.

So there's my sorta weekly "I'm still alive!" post :)


5 comments:

  1. Yay for winning over the in-laws, but really they would be crazy not to love you!

    Are you looking through my window, because I swear you are talking about my life. I've been feeling the same lack of passion with the hubby. It's just like "eh whatever" and it's recently realy started bothering me. And to top it off, the baby bug is in the air. Why the baby bug when you feel "eh" about your relationship with your spouse?

    ANYWAYS, back to you. I hope you and hubby work it out. It's amazing that you both have such strong role models to look to in your parents.

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  2. Welcome for the 'minder.

    We had the newlywed thing going for 7 years. Then I got really ill and lost my libido, altogether. Rough.

    We do date nights. Intentionally schedule something where we can go out, smooch, be romantic, and have fun. We play on our walks now (just act silly like our dating days).

    I do spontaneous sex-affection. Like after dinner tonight, a spontaneous bit of...well..um..oral action. As dessert, minutes after he had his last bite of asparagus. :)

    Just make a point to do unexpected things, have fun, tell each other I love you, tell each other why you love each other, dance in the middle of the living room. You may have to actually PLAN things sometimes, and sometimes you have to stop and say, "Silly love action time!" and just do something to spark it up.

    It's normal for hormones to stop raging like first date/newlyweds, to quiet down to oxytocin bonding. (Kiss every day. EVERY DAY, a lot, to keep the bonding chemicals flowing). It's becoming settled/stable. Normal.

    BUT....so that the luster stays (and we've been glowing madly in love for 29 years), you have to sometimes proactively romance it up, sex it up, play it up, be silly, and do stuff that makes you feel like you did in those first dating days.

    To this day, before we fall asleep, I say, I love you, kiss him, and ask God to bless him. He says something similar to me. For all these years, when he dozes off, if I was still awake, I'd place my hands on his back while he slept and thanked God for his atributes. Reminding yourself WHY you married this person keeps it flowing. "I love his X, Y, Z, the way he A, B C". Doing this regulary keeps you from taking the person for granted. It works. Gratitude and REMEMBERING why, WHY you chose him, works. :)

    It will definitely keep the fire going if you do.

    And make doubly sure you pay attention to him and keep the fire going when the baby comes. Babies are notorious for derailing the BRIDE and leaving only the MOMMY. A man always needs a bride...even if she's a mommy.

    Blessings on you both.

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  3. Baby bug! That is exciting!

    I find when slumps happen (usually me, not him) I just try and make the effort, I know it sounds bad but it gets me back in action. I had a hard time for a while after baby but I did get my groove back but I did have to work at it!

    That is awesome about the inlaws...it makes all the difference when you get along!

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  4. The hubby and I hit our slump when I got pregnant and then this 1 and half after she was born because the baby is in bed with us. We try to steal our moments here and there, but it is hard. The sad thing is, he wants to all the time and I have zero desire because I am so tired these days. Other mom's tell me it gets better when the kids get older.... here's hoping! LOL!

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  5. I was looking at your photos in the side bar and you are doing very well. I can see a lot of change around your mid section. Yay for you!

    I have had several periods of "frisky drought" myself. We've been married for 7 years, both work full time on different schedules and have two kids so sometimes it's like the stars have to align and we need divine intervention to both be rested, in the mood and free of kiddos. It seems to be the natural flow of life.

    If it doesn't resolve soon, have another talk with your man, let him know that it's bugging you and ask him to help come up with some solutions. That's helped us in the past. Jeeves says that most men will do just about anything to keep you "interested" cause that's more fun than just being sort of "meh"

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