Saturday, August 13, 2011

How's this for a scary story?

You work your ass off for months, and lose 50 lbs. FIFTY!

But then you hit a plateau and get frustrated. So you allow life to get in the way of your goals. You quit trying as hard. Then you quit completely.

And you gain half of it back. Or 23. Either way, scary. And depressing. And embarrassing. And lots of other equally sucky feelings.

And you KNOW better. That's the kicker.

That's my reality right now. I think the scariest part is how easy it was to fall back into the same old bad habits that got me to 250 lbs in the first place. How easily my new good habits went out the window under stress. How easily I ignored how tight my new clothes (my reward for hitting the 50 lb mark) were getting.

Not only did I fall off the wagon, it backed up and ran over me a few times.

I keep making promises to myself about "tomorrow." But anyone that's dieted before knows exactly how "tomorrow" works. It never gets here.

My husband even gave me a free pass, in a way. We stopped taking birth control at the end of June. This is the first month we are actively trying to get pregnant (woot!!) after having my first AF visit. He thinks it would be silly to try and lose weight right before getting pregnant, because I'd be gaining it right back. Maybe.

I still got up this morning and worked out. For the first time in m-o-n-t-h-s. I used my Biggest Loser kinect game, and lemme tell ya.. not working out for a few months? Gaining half of what you lost back? It HURTS. Even though I'm still 27 lbs lighter than when I started, this morning felt like starting from scratch. A 30 minute workout hasn't sucked that bad in a long time. Even so, my sore ass will be at the gym tonight.

So here I am, starting from scratch basically. My short term goals for the week are just to do better. Eat better (food hasn't actually been awful, just too much snacking at the wrong time of day), move more, and relax. I can't take happy pills while trying to get pregnant, and I stress easy. I guess this makes the exercise that much more important. Food's been my happy pill the last few months and it's out of hand.

Also, I'm a shitty blogger friend for just disappearing. I wish I could say I've been reading everyone's posts and just not commenting, but I haven't even done that. It's a lot easier to be a slug in denial when you're not reading about everyone else still trucking along. Still, sorry for being a shit. I did start catching up a few days ago, and that may have been what made me just get up and do it today. It's easier to confront this head on when surrounded by other people with the same goals. Lesson learned.


  1. I'm in the same spot you are. I lost 36 lbs and gained 35 lbs back. And what did I do I disappeared off the radar to but now I'm back. Good luck on getting pregnant, hope to hear some good news soon.

  2. Mrs D! I have been thinking about you! So glad to hear you're back, though I'm sorry to hear about the weight gain. I think it's good that you're facing it and owning up to it here. I will say this - I think getting pregnant is great but what your husband says about not gaining weight before you get pregnant is just absolutely silly. Yes, you will be gaining weight, but NOT THE SAME KIND!!! It's the good kind! Not to mention there's really nothing wrong with continuing to work out and live a healthy lifestyle during most of your pregnancy. Anyway, best of luck! I look forward to hearing more from you!!!!!

  3. Christina- I'm sorry to hear you're in the same boat! We can both turn it around, though!

    Erin- First step is acceptance, right? ;) Mr. D is definitely a retard on this one, haha! I've read that if anything, losing weight and getting healthier will only increase our chances for conception and a healthier pregnancy. He's a guy, though, so can't hold it against him :D

  4. The fact that you are back here blogging about this means that you are already turning it around. :) Glad to see you back! And congrats on trying for another little one!

  5. Thank you so much Alissa!! We've been talking about it for months, and finally decided to start trying around our 1 year anniversary :) I'm nervous, but excited!

  6. yea, you're back!! Been there, done that on the weight gain. Frustrating but all you can do is get back on and start over. Getting pregnant is NOT a free pass, even if you were to get pregnant, you know it's not a free pass to gain a ton of weight. You don't need a ton more calories for baby.

    So hope hop back on and lets get this weight lost!! :-) I hope you get this comment, a lot of my comments aren't showing up on blogs.

  7. I got it, Debbi! :)

    I think I read you only add about 300-500 calories daily depending on what trimester you're in, so definitely won't be using it as a free pass!

  8. So glad you are back since you are one of my most favoritest bloggy persons ever! :)

    Get back to it. Life sucks, gets in the way, we gain weight that we once lost because it's easier to stuff our face with Oreos instead of bananas. I'm in the same boat. I get it.

    YAY for trying for a baby. How exciting! I agree completely with Debbi. Getting preggo does not give you a hall pass to pig out.