But then you hit a plateau and get frustrated. So you allow life to get in the way of your goals. You quit trying as hard. Then you quit completely.
And you gain half of it back. Or 23. Either way, scary. And depressing. And embarrassing. And lots of other equally sucky feelings.
And you KNOW better. That's the kicker.
That's my reality right now. I think the scariest part is how easy it was to fall back into the same old bad habits that got me to 250 lbs in the first place. How easily my new good habits went out the window under stress. How easily I ignored how tight my new clothes (my reward for hitting the 50 lb mark) were getting.
Not only did I fall off the wagon, it backed up and ran over me a few times.
I keep making promises to myself about "tomorrow." But anyone that's dieted before knows exactly how "tomorrow" works. It never gets here.
My husband even gave me a free pass, in a way. We stopped taking birth control at the end of June. This is the first month we are actively trying to get pregnant (woot!!) after having my first AF visit. He thinks it would be silly to try and lose weight right before getting pregnant, because I'd be gaining it right back. Maybe.
I still got up this morning and worked out. For the first time in m-o-n-t-h-s. I used my Biggest Loser kinect game, and lemme tell ya.. not working out for a few months? Gaining half of what you lost back? It HURTS. Even though I'm still 27 lbs lighter than when I started, this morning felt like starting from scratch. A 30 minute workout hasn't sucked that bad in a long time. Even so, my sore ass will be at the gym tonight.
So here I am, starting from scratch basically. My short term goals for the week are just to do better. Eat better (food hasn't actually been awful, just too much snacking at the wrong time of day), move more, and relax. I can't take happy pills while trying to get pregnant, and I stress easy. I guess this makes the exercise that much more important. Food's been my happy pill the last few months and it's out of hand.
Also, I'm a shitty blogger friend for just disappearing. I wish I could say I've been reading everyone's posts and just not commenting, but I haven't even done that. It's a lot easier to be a slug in denial when you're not reading about everyone else still trucking along. Still, sorry for being a shit. I did start catching up a few days ago, and that may have been what made me just get up and do it today. It's easier to confront this head on when surrounded by other people with the same goals. Lesson learned.